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discussion for next business meeting

Original Online Meeting Group business agendas, notes, topics, and discussions
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* All who attend OOMG meetings on Zoom or Mumble are welcome to participate and vote in OOMG business.
* The business of the Original Online Meeting Group of CGAA is discussed. At our monthly business meeting, we make decisions by group conscience, guided by higher power. Everyone has a vote on group matters.
* Back and forth discussion of different perspectives is appropriate. We strive to be respectful of all.
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MollySSS
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discussion for next business meeting

Post by MollySSS »

I have seen a couple of times in meetings, some people sometimes interrupt a new comer's  share, either speak or type something along the line of "please stop sharing about moderation, cgaa is about abstinence not moderation". I was hosting a zoom meeting this Wednesday when this happened, I was listening to the new comer's share, and I don't think this new comer was sharing about moderation. He said he was still gaming, and he was gaming less, and he wasn't sure if want to stop. I think it's normal for new comers to be uncertain about their gaming addiction and it's okay for them to take some time to figure that out. I was just like that in my first few months, and I fortunately was never told to stop sharing, if that had happened, I might have never come back. I would like to address this behavior to interrupt other's share and to tell others to stop sharing about moderation, when the sharer is not doing that. I believe it's disruptive, harsh, and made it unsafe for new comers who is still struggling with the idea of gaming addiction to share. 
Scott
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Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:53 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by Scott »

Thanks for bringing this up Molly. We've had etiquette around the topic of moderation for as long as I remember, but it wasn't included in the OOMG meeting leader guide because it hadn't come up in a long time. The etiquette is simple, similar to our etiquette of not talking about gaming details or titles. Advocating moderation is harmful within our fellowship, so we have always removed such posts from our forums and don't allow it in meetings.

At the same time, we always have newcomers who are trying moderation, or planning to try it soon, or hoping to find help with it. I was such a newcomer. Newcomers are typically in denial and don't want to give up gaming completely, so of course many of them want to moderate. We allow newcomers to share about where they're at, even when they're not ready to stop. As long as they're not advocating moderation or moderation techniques or talking about successes with them, they're free to be honest about where they're at. They can say they want to moderate or are trying to moderate as part of their sharing.

If someone does talk up moderation, I think it is appropriate to interrupt and tell the person of our etiquette, same as we would if he/she were talking about detailed play in a particular video game. "Sorry to interrupt, but our meetings are intended for abstinence from gaming. It's fine to honestly share where you're at, but advocating moderation goes against our purpose of supporting people who have always failed to moderate and need to abstain."

The other half of the issue brought up is how to address disruptions and who should do it, which is outlined in the meeting leader guide. Ideally, the meeting leader addresses all issues. Anyone else should privately message the leader. Sometimes the leader is very new, or isn't aware of some etiquette, or needs help, and it's okay for other experienced leaders or members to speak up and help.
Scott
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Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:53 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by Scott »

As far as the business meeting agenda goes, we have two topics raised: (1) how/if disruptions are addressed and by whom and (2) talk of moderation.

I think the group conscience has already addressed #1 and put it into the meeting leader guide. Not sure we need to spend more time on it.

#2 might be fairly quick. We have long-standing etiquette on this, which we could reaffirm and include in the leader guide.
MollySSS
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Post by MollySSS »

Scott, I think the topic I want to bring up is different from (1) or (2), which as you said have been addressed. 
The topic I want to discuss is this:
(3): what happens if a person, who might or might not be a meeting leader, interrupts another persons share, quoting "moderation" rule, when the sharer was not promoting moderation.  
They could be interrupting the share for other reasons beyond "moderation" rule. Another example is that I have seen and experienced in the past is this: a sharer is interrupted, quoting "outside issue", when the sharer is not strictly talking about gaming addiction but about other things that's bothering them, eating, internet. etc. 

What I want to discuss is about the behavior, often from "old timers", of interrupting other people's shares inappropriately, by quoting "moderation" rule or "outside issue" incorrectly, and creating a harsh and unsafe environment for the sharer in the process.  
Scott
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Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:53 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by Scott »

I see. Yeah, that's another good issue to talk about, not specifically addressed in the leader guide.

The guide does say (1) let the meeting leader handle things, (2) message the leader if there's an issue, (3) refrain from interruption unless there's very good reason to speak up immediately, (4) always err on the side of caution, i.e. not interrupting, and (5) that the meeting leader can remind an interrupter about this etiquette.

I have seen this issue of longer-term members harshly interrupting a speaker here and in other fellowships. The situation I see most often happens with the norm about not sharing at length about other addictions. Sometimes a speaker will mention another addiction briefly or in connection to the topic, the same way speakers typically mention all kinds of problems. An over-zealous rule-based member will interrupt to say, "Don't talk about that here!" It really can hurt the person who was talking and the feeling of safety and acceptance in the meeting.

Is there something more that isn't covered in the 5 things above?
Scott
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Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 10:53 pm

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Post by Scott »

I put a few quotes of our etiquette into the start of the meeting format. "Our aim is to have a supportive atmosphere where it is easy to participate, easy to listen, and helpful in learning to live well without video games. We  avoid cross talk and interruptions. Our etiquette is not intended as rules. Please allow the meeting leader to address issues."

When we talk about this in the business meeting, it would be good to discuss keeping this text or something similar in the format.
MollySSS
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:46 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by MollySSS »

I think the guide does cover what I want to say, and what you put in the meeting format also makes sense. I think sometimes people just need a reminder not to be overly zealous and not to interrupt, it might be best to just talk to them one-on-one, which I did, not very tactfully, but it worked with the right person. In the business meeting, it might just be good to have a discussion or a reminder about what exactly a share about moderation sounds like and the balance between being compassionate/lenient vs having clear boundaries.  
LND_5678
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:46 pm

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Post by LND_5678 »

I don't think the person who was sharing was speaking about moderation. (I was also in that meeting.)

However, this brings up a different point: Are we allowed to point to other fellowships in our literature? Can we refer computer/video gamers who wish to try out moderation recovery strategies to a tech addiction fellowship which does try to help people via moderation? To me, it seems quite arrogant to believe that the only way every single gaming addict on the planet can recover from their addiction is through 100% abstinence. Can we truly decide that for every gaming addict?

Thanks for letting me put my 2 cents in.
ADH
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:46 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by ADH »

The newcomer is the most important person. They may be confused and they might not know how to recover. They might be afraid of loneliness or isolation.

The newcomer does not know how stuff works around here, so they get some significant leeway in their shares. When they keep coming back and have triggering shares, we approach them carefully after the meeting and explain what's at issue. However, we still do not push them.
MorganF
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Joined: Fri Nov 20, 2020 10:46 pm

discussion for next business meeting

Post by MorganF »

Read enough of this to see that Molly's concerns seem to already be addressed by our meeting etiquette guide.

Is there still a concrete topic that needs to go into the agenda here?
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